Dear Gabriel,

Well, you’re officially grown up now. Congratulations - I know this day means a lot to you. From this day you forge a new path, not forgetting the old, but not forgetting to embrace the new, and from here you’ll make your own life and become an influence on a family you’ll hopefully have later on. We have been through everything together, you and I, and I think we made it out of the first part of life okay. I remember when I first found out about you, I was scared, nervous, and excited. Things in my own life hadn’t turned out exactly to plan (I was just out of college, your father and I were just establishing our life together..), and that shook me a little bit (but everything turned out fine later, like it always does, right?) - I was young, and you were my first, and I was afraid of messing up. But I got all the facts, and being informed has always made me feel comfortable. And the second I held you in my arms, and you were tangible and real and my baby boy, I knew that no matter what was to come in the next years, we would ascend the obstacles and turn the water into wine - everything would be good. And I knew that no matter what happened in my own life, or yours - whether it be issues in your school, issues in my relationship with you father, or rifts between us - I had to be there for you. That wasn’t such a conscious decision, of course, and it wasn’t voluntarily made. Every time you looked up at me with your beautiful brown eyes, and every time you held my hand, I just knew. It was natural.
I believe that the above assertion is how we made it so far with such an open and tolerant relationship, Gabe. Knowing that I was going to be there for absolutely anything you needed led me to be tolerant, vulnerable, understanding, and patient - Lord, I had to be patient. There were times Gabe, that just for your own safety, or just so I could stop worrying about you, I just wanted to lock you in your room. Especially when you were a teen; you were so rebellious at times, I thought I would have a nervous breakdown trying to keep you in line - But then again, I should have expected you to be, considering you’re the son of two bold, individual, opinionated college kids. But I never locked you up, did I? Because if I had locked you up, you would have locked me out. You wouldn’t have tolerated my daily “you can tell me anything you need to, hun” speeches, or my spiels about effective decision making, or my little words of wisdom. You would’ve crumbled up and thrown away the love notes that I put on your dash every morning when I went out to start your car (I of course put them on the dash because I couldn’t put them in your Spiderman lunchbox anymore). Instead, you keep them in a wooden box I got you for your 10th birthday, to put all your cards in. If I hadn’t stayed open with you about my life - if I blocked myself off so far that you couldn’t form your own opinions about how magic mommy actually was - you wouldn’t have felt as safe telling me about your daily miseries, misgivings, or adventures. You wouldn’t have told me about the embarrassing time when you were 14 and you tripped down the stairs while trying to impress your crush. And if we hadn’t had an understanding relationship, our talks about important things would have turned into my lectures, and no teenager wants to listen to more lectures than they get in school (or at all). You may have neglected to remember how I felt about you doing drugs or drinking alcohol, you might’ve skipped curfew and “forgotten” to call me, or you may have made enormous mistakes by not coming to me and asking for advice when you first became intimate.
I’m too proud for words to describe when it comes to how you’ve turned out, Gabriel - and I believe my strength in upholding those core tenets of parenthood are what helped us so much.
You should be proud too - actually, I know you are. You know who you are, Gabe, and that’s a lot more than some people even older and “more mature” (like milk, right hun? Older isn’t always better) than you have. You’re an individual, and you’ve never followed the crowd just to follow; in fact, you never followed at all. You led the crowd. And you were a fair and judge-free ruler. You’ve always been tolerant of other people, especially those most different from you, and you’ve never let someone be stepped on. And sure, sometimes that overpowering sense of judgment made you come off as conceited and sometimes got you in trouble at school, but like your mother, you had to learn to put your pride away in the classroom and go about solving problems diplomatically (something I am still working on, I admit). You have established yourself as a strong, fair presence in this world, and people are attracted to that on all levels. How far you go in life will be dependent on how much you believe in yourself, and you’re going far. You believe - you always have.
I know that one day you’ll do something great, Gabriel Adrian. And I want you to know that I trust whatever you do, because you trust whatever you do. You’re very self-aware, and very critical, and constantly revising yourself to make you the best person you possibly can be. I have to say you’re pretty close.
Thank you for being a success in my life, Gabe. And thank you for making my life rich, and full. One day you’ll do it for another very lucky person, and from there, well, who knows?


Keep learning, loving, and living.

Love you, always,

-Mommy